Thu Apr 12 10:27:31 2001 Submitting Host: 159.134.146.134 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: * Ali G's must use each of the words below into a sentence. 1. Foreclose If I pay child support today, I got no money foreclose. 2. Rectum I had two Cadillacs, but me Julie rectum. 3. Hotel I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody. 4. Disappointment My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint. 5. Penis I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis. 6. Israel Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say,"Bullsh*t, that watch Israel". 7. Undermine There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine. 8.Acoustic When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall. 9. Iraq When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you break. 10. Stain My mother-in-law stopped by and I asked her, "Do you plan on stain >>>>>for dinner?" 11. Seldom My cousin gave me tickets to the nicks game, so I seldom. 12. Honor At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, "Who was honor first?" 13. Odyssey I tol' my bro, "You odyssey the tits on that ho!" 14. Fortify I ask this ho on da street, "how much?" she say "fortify." 17. Income I just got in bed wit da ho an' income me Julie. name: Sean *** Thu Apr 12 11:58:14 2001 Submitting Host: 159.134.146.134 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: > >> > > Once upon a time there was a horse and a chicken who were good > >friends. > >> > > They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were very > >happy. > >> > > One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the horse > >stepped > >> > > into a hole of quicksand. The horse rapidly sank and was > >yelling for > >> > > his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought for a > >minute, > >> > > then ran away. > >> > >> > > The chicken ran back to the farmhouse, and jumped into > >the farmer's > >> > > 735csi BMW. Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and > >the chicken > >> > > managed to start the car, and put it in gear. It raced > >over to the > >> > > sinkhole, where the horse had almost disappeared by now. > >The smart > >> > > chicken tied a rope around the back of the BMW and threw > >the other end > >> > > around the front legs of the horse. The chicken hopped > >back in the > >> > > driver's seat and stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, > >the horse eased > >> > > out of the quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, > >still on shaky > >> > > legs, stuttered: "You just saved my life: thank you!" > >> > >> > > The chicken just said, " don't mention it - That's what > >friends are > >> > > for!!" They returned the BMW and went out to dinner > >together in the > >> > > barnyard. > >> > > > >> > > A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's > >rest, and heard > >> > > some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard. > >> > > The horse followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene: > >> > > There was his best friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole > >of quicksand! > >> > > The sand was already up to its neck-feathers and the > >cries for help > >had > >> > > almost stopped. > >> > >> > > The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight. > >And the farmer > >had > >> > > gone to town with his BMW. What to do? The horse took a > >deep breath > >and > >> > > spread his body and legs out over the hole. His member > >was dangling > >down > >> > > right above the poor chicken. "Here, my friend, grab my > >thingie and I > >> > > will pull you to safety!" > >> > > With its last bit of energy, the chicken grabbed a hold > >of the big > >> > > horse-thingy and the horse straightened its body, > >pulling the chicken > >> > > from its trap. With one big step, both were on solid > >ground and safe. > >> > > The chicken slumped down on the ground, exhausted: > >> > > "Now you saved my life, you're my friend!!" The horse > >just smiled. > >> > > And the moral of this story? > >> > > > > > > > > > If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to > >pick up chicks. > > > name: Sean Coffey *** Wed Oct 10 07:13:34 2001 Submitting Host: 159.134.144.56 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: > The following questions will help you decide if you are gay: > > 1) It is your bedtime. What do you do with your pillow? > a) Sleep on it. > b) Bite it. > > 2) You have been offered two positions at a fudge factory. Which do you > take? > a) Producer > b) Packer > > 3) If you were a ferret, what would be your favourite food? > a) Grubs and beetles > b) Chutney > > You are a jockey. What is your preferred steed? > a) A horse > b) A sausage > > 5) Imagine you are attacked by an aggressive piece of chocolate. Would you: > a) melt it > b) stab it > > 6) You are a butcher's boy. How do you deliver your meat? > a) Proudly at the front door > b) Furtively up the back passage > > 7) Your garden is on a slope. How do you perform your gardening? > a) Downhill > b) Uphill > > 8) Imagine a shirt is in your way. How would you move it? > a) Manfully discard it from your path > b) Lift it. > > 9) As a keen sportsman, how do you like javelins? > a) Thrown by old boilers like Fatima Whitbread? > b) Made of spam > > 10) You want to learn to play a musical instrument. What do you decide to > play? > a) a piano > b) a pink oboe > > 11) You are an offshore driller. What do you drill for? > a) Oil > b) Marmite > > 12) You are a marine biologist. What is your favourite animal? > a) Scollops > b) Chocolate starfish > > 13) In the Wild West, you need a law maker. Do you choose the man with > the... > a) Shiny Deputy badge > b) Rusty Sheriff badge name: Sean *** Fri Oct 12 07:12:16 2001 Submitting Host: 159.134.144.201 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: > >Sneezes > > > > > A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class > >section > >of > > > a plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and > > > shudders quite violently in her seat. > > > > > > The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few > > > minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes > >her > > > nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more > >and > > > more curious about the shuddering. > > > > > > A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a > >tissue, > > > gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again. The man has finally > >had > > > all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've > > > sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then > > > shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going > >crazy." > > > > > > The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare > >condition > >and > > > when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." > > > The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, > >"I've > > > never heard of that before. > > > What are you taking for it?" > > > > > > The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper." name: sean *** Mon Jan 20 08:44:24 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.185 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: whats black, dangerous and lives in trees? Crows with machine guns name: mick *** Tue Mar 2 05:47:31 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.248 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: waar slaat dit op?? name: *** Thu Feb 17 17:11:48 2005 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.253 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: name: *** Tue Mar 22 07:30:00 2005 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.252 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: er liepen twee mannen over straat zeg de een tegen de ander mag ik in het midden lopen hahahahaha name: *** Wed Sep 14 12:11:34 2005 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.251 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: why do pirates act the way they do. its just the way they arrrrrrrrrre! name: eoin coyle *** Wed Sep 14 12:12:22 2005 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.247 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: why does fotrall have no cock. cause killroy ate it. name: david coyle *** Sat Mar 18 06:53:00 2006 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.253 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: so a six pack of dutchgold and a bottle of buckfast go into t a bar and the bar man says, no way man, and the beer and buckfast are all like, c'mon dude, and then hes like, no way jose, etc. thanks. more pictures of me please. name: eoin coyle *** Wed Dec 13 09:52:37 2006 Submitting Host: 10.124.131.238 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: Im not jokin ye!! name: Hannah Munro age 13 from scotland. *** Mon Mar 5 12:19:45 2007 Submitting Host: 10.124.131.238 end_display: http://seminalgroove.tripod.com/jokes.htm joke: O(^___)O name: n2n22 ***